SPURIOUSMONKEY

The university of life

The squirrel is an evil creature

Although humans want to see themselves placed outside Nature, it is this very Nature who has put some backdoors inside humans. We love fluffy and cute. We cannot help but to adore it. Nature has programmed us to do so.

The rat has been arch enemy numero uno for a very long time. We still cannot forgive the fact that the rat helped killing off half the human population during medieval times by spreading the plague. In court the rat could easily mount a reasonable defense. Not guilty. The plague was caused by a bacterium that was spread by rodent fleas. Rodent fleas! Not just rat fleas! The rat was very much a victim just like humans. But do we care when we spread these vicious accusations? Not really.

And here the squirrel enters the picture. No human will feel a sense of dread or terror when he or she encounter a squirrel. Instead warm feelings of fluffiness and cuteness are spreading throughout the irrational parts of the brain. 'How cute, a squirrel.'

No it is not cute. The squirrel is nothing more than a rat with a fluffy tail. Shave his tail and you see a rat. A rat that would make 87.6% of all women run screaming in the opposite direction. And now they point out this hairy rat to their own offspring. To make sure they see it. Nature is tricking them into accepting the unacceptable.

Japanese researchers have uncovered archealogical evidence that suggest that medieval squirrels have been indeed responsible for the bubonic and other plagues, and not the rat (Takano et al.). When investigating a medieval corpse of a child that succumbed to the plague it was found that it was still clutching a squirrel, and numerous squirrel flea bitemarks were discovered all over her body. And none were those of rat fleas!

This study was blocked from publication by the National Squirrel Lovers Association (NSLA). Although never officially confirmed the editor of the prestiguous scientific journal 'Nature' was threatened physically. A cage with angry squirrels was placed on his face and all that separated him from having his face eaten off by these devils was a thin transparent sheet of glass. No other journal dared to touch this manuscript after this event, although all deny it.

Here at the University of Life we cannot evade our public responsibility and must warn you no matter the consequences. Do not trust the squirrel. It is the trojan rodent.

Spuriousmonkey

Professor at the UOL

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