SPURIOUSMONKEY

The university of life

Why men do not wash their underwear frequently

Indeed, why are men reluctant to wash their underwear? During the 70s the predominant theory in sociology circles was that men are afraid of washing machines. These machines represented the female sphere of influence. Men had invented washing machines to liberate women to do other chores such as bringing men a cool beer when watching a football game, and instead women started to invade the male environment. They became truck drivers, laywers, doctors, bounchers and plumbers. The theory goes that no man can subconsciously touch the instrument that caused the demise of the world of man.

We were always suspicious about this theory because it eliminates the essence of the human species. That it is driven by biological principles.

In the 80s real scientists discovered that mice like to breed with mice that are genetically different from themselves regarding the major histocompatibility complex (MHC) genes. A fancy name for genes important for the immunesystem.

But how does a mouse know what kind of MHC genes a potential partner has? Research groups in Japan proposed that mice might have a miniature 'genome sequencer' or PCR machine somewhere used for genotyping the potential partner, but careful studies of histological sections showed none. It then turned out that the secret lies in piss. By sniffing the urinary odour of the potential mate the mouse can determine subconsciously if the MHC genes are different.

We propose that mate selection work not much differently. And that is why men less frequently wash their underwear than women. We are still in tune with nature. Men do not want to remove the one signal that signifies the most important message for the potential partner: 'PICK ME!!!'

Why do women insist on washing men's underwear so frequently once a relationship has started? With a frequency that says to the man: is this really necessary? She is undermining his chances to attract another partner by removing the signal. 'Is this guy matching my MHC? I can't smell a dam thing. That's not an object of desire, that is just an object.'

And that is why men also drink beer. It stimulates the production of urine. It stimulates sloppiness in urination spreading the urinary odour over a greater area. And it stimulates the urination outside the designated sanitary facilities (from toilet to trees, bushes, corners), reverting back to the natural practices of spreading one of nature's most important signals: 'Mate me.'

Yes, it was a feminist who invented the toilet and a man who invented beer.

Spuriousmonkey

Professor at the UOL

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