SPURIOUSMONKEY

The university of life

Can vegetarians feel pain?!

A breaking news story is causing ripples throughout social media. A controversial study has emerged from the labs of the Institute of Innovative Biophysics located in the idyllic East Korea.

This study claims that vegetarians cannot feel pain due to the source of their diet.

This study was originally met with a wave of disbelief, or more accurately, a tsunami of incredulity, on social media. The breaking story was quickly censored by vegetarian fact checkers all across the world wide web.

International political pressure resulted in the removal of the scientific study from all annals or East Korean science. As if it never happened.

Here at the University of Life we managed to lay our dirty paws on a xeroxed copy of the study in question. It was smuggled across the Korean border at great personal cost of the "source", who cannot be named, but we can confirm that this person has eaten meat in the past and therefore a person non grata in the vegan community.

The gist of the study mirrors the age old adage or "You are what you eat". Vegans of the human persuasion slowly acquire characteristics their diet, which in their case are plants and fungi. It has been an established scientific fact that plants do not feel pain, although the case for Fungi is still open. See also our previous lecture of this topic here.

Considering the reaction of the Vegan community we can make one unquestionable scientific conclusion: The East Korean study greatly hurt the feelings of the vegans. Hence, if vegans slowly acquire the characteristics of what they eat, then vegetables, fruits and grains clearly must have feelings as well that can be hurt.

This would further the case that we as a society should treat plants with more respect and consideration.

Spuriousmonkey

Professor at the UOL

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