The university of life

Square poop baffles scientists!

Despite years of research science still hasn't come to a full understanding why the bare-nosed wombat creates square poop.

The most prominent theory at the moment is that the poop is square because these wombats are poop acrobats and prefer pooping on top of rocks. A round poop will naturally just roll off, whereas a square poop doesn't.

It all sounds very logical, but it doesn't explainm why these wombats poop on rocks in the first place. Is there an innate desire to show off their pooping skills to the rest of the animal kingdom? Do these wombat have adverse relationship with dung beetles, and do not want these critters rolling away with their excrement?

Is it a case of sexual selection where the best square poopers were chosen as sexual mates over rounded poopers? Do these wombats express an esthetic longing towards square poop, a condition also increasingly recorded among the human population during the covid crisis!?

If we weren't all scientists it would be a mystery, however, we are scientists and as scientists we favour one theory and declare it the absolute truth. In this case, wombats process their poop inside their intestine in such an advanced biophysical manner, that scientists are using computer models to explain why the poop comes out as cubes. This knowledge can then potentialy be applied to create intestines that generate square products that can be sold on the global market, such as ice cubes, Rubik's cubes, suger cubes and basically eveything that is a cube. Imagine not needing a fridge in hot Africa to create ice cubes, but just a wombat which doesn't need electricity but can be fed with local food items.

We are not saying that the ice cube producing wombat will come on the market any time soon, but when it will it is going to definitely impact the economical market of freezers and fridges in developing nations located in hot climates.

PETA has already objected to the use of wombats for cubic production.

This surprised nobody.


Professor at the UOL

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