SPURIOUSMONKEY

The university of life

Monitor lizards strike gold!

Monitor lizards are genuinely considered to be the richest of animal species according to a recent analysis by a wallstreet real estate analysis group.

Humans and animals enjoy the sun in Australia, but sometimes the sun gets too much to handle and you have to retreat to inside. Humans can shelter in hotels, bars, restaurants or their own home, but generally, most animals are not welcome there except the odd dog or cat. And perhaps a hamster here or there.

This poses a huge problem for Australia's wildlife. The sun can be merciless.

The monitor lizard has recognized the urgency of this problem and has started building gigantic underground burow systems that can literally shelter hundreds of small animals. No longer do they need to spend every single minute under the blistering sun.

A real estate analysis company on Wallstreet calculated that the average monitor lizard burrow may rake in as much as 17.000 Australian dollars per year, which equals to 10.000 Euros or 13.000 US dollars.

Local government agencies have started several investigations in the matter because there is not a single record of a monitor lizard paying taxes of any kind.

As one government official may have stated off the record: "Everybody needs to chip in to keep the bureaucratic monster from collapsing, also the local wildlife."

The Australian Association of Animal Lovers decreed their outrage over this display of greed from the Australian government. "During the great wildfires of australia, millions of small animals were saved from being burned alive because monitor lizards took them in in their great burrows. We owe them."

Government officials refused to react at the time of writing this article. One government official was caught hiding behind a piece of local legislation.

Various zoologist have ridiculed the claim that monitor lizards are the richest species. Clearly the beavers which create a whole new expanded ecology by building dams are much richer. Especially when they install a hydropower system and connect it to the local electrical grid.

At the University of Life we remain skeptical about any claims from everyone.

Spuriousmonkey

Professor at the UOL

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